A man entered the bus, with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to a blonde.
The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
The blond continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The blonde says, "Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Methodist and 32 Baptists."
A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby.
One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth.
In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father?"
One day a blonde, brunette, and a red head were all driving in the desert and the car ran out of gas. The brunette said that everyone should take on thing that they need out of the car.
The brunette took some food and water out of the trunk.
The red head got the first aid kit from the glove box.
The blonde broke off the car door.
"Why did you get the car door?" asked the brunette.
"Because if we get too hot we can just roll down the window!"
Sanitary Blonde
A blonde was driving across several states to go visit her family. She was five hours late and her family was getting worried. When she finally got there she explained that she had seen 10 signs that said “CLEAN RESTROOMS AHEAD...”
Blonde - Drowning
A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in their pick-up truck. The brunette was sitting up front with the man and the blonde was in the back. While driving across a bridge the man lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the bridge. After the truck had sunk, the man and brunette fought their way out of the cab and surfaced. A couple of minutes later the blonde came out of the water, panting and breathless.
''Where have you been?'' asked the man.
''I can't believe you left me down there! I couldn't get the tailgate open!''
Pregnant Blonde
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, 'what the heck', and I starting jumping up and down along with her.
She said, "I have some really great news!"
I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy."
She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant. I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great I couldn't be happier for you!"
Then she said, "There's more!"
I asked, "What do you mean there's more?"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said....
"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Sam's Club and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!"
The Sunburn
A young man finally got a date with the blond female who lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.
Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get sunburn on his "tool of the trade." But, he was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.
The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home-cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk.
He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his member immersed in a glass of milk.
Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load those things!"
The Telegram
A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull.
"It's the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it," he says.
She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, "I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer."
The man behind the counter tells her, "Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $0.75 per word."
She thinks about it for a moment and says, "I'd like to send one word, please."
"And what word would that be?" inquires the man.
"Comfortable," replies the brunette.
The man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but is your friend going to understand this telegram?"
The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde and reads really slowly. When she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL."
Not all Blonde jokes are about women
A big, buff, and burly blond man goes into the local drug store to buy some rubbers, so that he will be able to practice safe sex with his new girlfriend.
The blond guy walks up to the pharmacist and asks, "How much for this box of rubbers?"
"Well, condoms are $3 for a box of three," the pharmacist replied. "Plus 30 cents for the tax."
"Oh," said the blond man, "I wondered how you kept them on."