After the resident lion tamer had resigned, the circus placed an ad in the local newspaper for a new lion tamer. On the day of the try-outs, at least fifty men showed up. The audition would have started if not for a young blonde wearing a trench coat who suddenly appeared. She asked the ringmaster for a slot in the try-out and the ringmaster decided to make the blonde try out first.
When the young blonde entered the large cage, the lion was released into the cage. It was roaring loudly and started to charge towards the blonde. Instead of running away, the blonde stood her ground and calmly let her trench coat drop to the ground. There was a gasp from the male applicants for the blonde was stark naked revealing a very sexy body. The lion strangely stopped in its tracks upon seeing such an unexpected sight. The lion then dropped to a crouch and crawled meekly towards the nude blonde. It then proceeded to lick the blonde's legs, thighs and groin.
Turning towards the other male applicants, the ringmaster said, "Can anyone of you do THAT?"
One of the men spoke out, "Sure, I can! Just get the lion out of the way!"
Three men were trying to guess the professions of their respective dates of the previous evening, judging by their bedroom performance and conversation.
The first insisted that his date had been a nurse, because she said, "Lie back and relax. This won't hurt a bit."
The second concluded that his must have been a school teacher, because she had said, "Do it over and over until you get it right."
The third figured that his date must have been a stewardess, because all she had said was, "Put this over your mouth and nose and continue to breathe normally.
When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture." The clerk looked at his picture closely. "It's okay," he reassured the man: "That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.
The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed."
The second kid replies,"Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door."
A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So she proceeded to find herself a rich 73-year-old man planning to screw him to death on their wedding night.
The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her *****, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed.
When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover his 12 inch erection, and he was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.
Fearing her plan had gone amiss, she asked, "What are those for?"
The old man replied, "There are just two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming,... and the smell of burning rubber!"
Hank finally found the nerve to tell his fiancee that he had to break off their engagement so that he could marry another woman.
"Can she cook like I can?" the distraught woman asked.
"Not on her best day." Hank replied.
"Can she buy you expensive gifts like I do?" she asked.
"No, she's broke."
"Well then, is it sex?"
"Nope,... nobody does it like you, babe."
"Then what is it?? What can she do for you that I can't?"
"She can sue me for child support!"
It was 2am and a California Highway Patrol officer was sitting behind a billboard, eating a donut and watching his radar gun.
Suddenly WHOOOOOM!!!! A car speeds past him topping out at 104 miles per hour.
The cops jumps in his car and chases after the reckless driver.
He sees the speeding car weaving all over the road, and when the cop put on his siren, the driver panicked and drove into the oncoming traffic lane.
He zoomed past cars and trucks, all frantically skidding and honking their horns.
Somehow the cop was able to keep pace with the guy, and the driver did a 180 and drove in the opposite direction.
The cop did a U-Turn and followed the car, and watched the guy break through a guard rail, over a cliff and land safely on the road below, only to have the car engine start smoking and die.
The cop scrambled down the cliff to find the driver staggering out of his car, obviously drunk.
"Are you drunk or something?" he screamed at the driver.
"Of course," replied the guy, "You think I'd ride this scary roller-coaster sober?"
A young man goes into the Job Centre in Jacksonville, Florida , and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.
Interested he goes to learn more -
"Can you give me some more details about this?" he asks the guy behind the desk.
The Job Centre man sorts through his files & replies - 'Oh yes here it is: The job entails you getting the lady patients ready for the gynecologist.
You have to help them out of their underwear,lie them down and carefully wash their genital regions You then apply shaving foam and gently shave off all their pubic hair then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination.
There's an annual salary of $45,000, but you're going to have to go to Oxford, Mississippi. That's about 620 miles fom here.'
'Oh why, is that where the job is ?'
'No sir - that's where the end of the line is!'
There once was this gal who took a sales job in a sporting goods store. She had worked there for about a week when a rather shy guy walked in to make a purchase. He looked around, and seeing no male clerks, started to leave.
The young gal, seeing this, immediately walked up to him and said, "Can I help you?" He replied, "No, thanks. I didn't see any male clerks, so I decided to leave."
She said, "I'm a professional. You can ask me anything you would ask a male clerk."
He thought for a moment then replied, "O.K. I need a jock strap!"
She was a little flustered as no one had ever asked for such an item before, but she maintained her composure. "I'll look in the back and see if we have any." she said.
So she left for the back room. When she got there, she saw jock straps-- lots of them. They were all in boxes marked, S, M, and L. She returned to where the young man was standing and said, "Yes. We have them. What size would you like?
Short, Medium or Long?"
A young woman experienced car trouble late one afternoon but luckily, an old man in a tow truck stopped and offered help. Not knowing the area, she asked if he could repair the car. He agreed to do it and after hoisting the car up on the truck, the two of them took the car back to the old man's garage. He looked at the engine and made an estimate about one hundred dollars more than she could pay at the time.
"Darn. Just one hundred dollars? If you weren't such an old guy," she said, "I'd fuck you for the remainder of the bill."
"Hell, I'll show you whose old!" the old man retorted. "Take off that dress and get on the car."
She giggled as she slipped off her dress and eyed the old man after he dropped his pants. He was hung like a mule! "Oboy!", she thought. "Not only am I going to get a great discount on the repairs, i'm going to get the hell fucked out of me too." At that time she noticed the old man placing washers on the base of his dick. "Hey, what are you doing?" , the woman asked.
"Hell", the old man replied, "You think for just a hundred dollars, you're gonna get all of this?"