Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Here you will find the top 45 oxymorons.
An oxymoron is a combination of two words that are completely opposite in meaning. In the dictionary you'll find: "A rhetorical figure in which incongruous or contradictory terms are combined, as in a deafening silence and a mournful optimist."
You've probably heard many of these before but didn't realize that they fall within this category.
45. Act naturally
44. Found missing
43. Resident alien
42. Advanced BASIC
41. Genuine imitation
40. Airline Food
39. Good grief
38. Same difference
37. Almost exactly
36. Government organization
35. Sanitary landfill
34. Alone together
33. Legally drunk
32. Silent scream
31. Living dead
30. Small crowd
29. Business ethics
28. Soft rock
27. Butt head
26. Military intelligence
25. Software documentation
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Child Proof
21. "Now, then ..."
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
9. Political science
8. Tight slacks
7. Definite maybe
6. Pretty ugly
5. Twelve-ounce pound cake
4. Diet ice cream
3. Working vacation
2. Exact estimate
...And the number 1 oxymoron is..
1. Microsoft Works
What are three words that a married person would never want to hear during sex?
Honey I'm home
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Q: Why is sex like snow?
A: You never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last.
Word Scramble
When you rearrange the letters you get:
GEORGE BUSH : : HE BUGS GORE
DORMITORY : : DIRTY ROOM
EVANGELIST : : EVIL'S AGENT
PRESBYTERIAN : : BEST IN PRAYER
DESPERATION : : A ROPE ENDS IT
THE MORSE CODE : : HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES : : CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY : : IS NO AMITY
MOTHER-IN-LAW : : WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS : : ALAS! NO MORE Z'S
A DECIMAL POINT : : I ' M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES : : THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO : : TWELVE PLUS ONE
And for the! Grand finale: PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA : : TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS
o Behind every successful man there is a great woman and behind every great woman there is a smart guy staring at her butt.
o If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
o Opinion is like an ass hole, everyone has one.
o Avoid rape - say yes.
o A mistress lies between a mister and a mattress.
o The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
o Thou shalt not commit adultery...unless in the mood.
o The best thing about masturbation is that you don't have to talk afterwards.
o Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
o Assassins do it from behind.
o Chess players mate better.
o Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
o Good girls spit, Bad girls swallow, Naughty girls gargle.
o If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK.
o Sex is the price women have to pay for marriage. Marriage is the price men have to pay for sex.
o When I was born, I got a choice- A big dick or a good memory. I am not able to remember, what did I choose.
o Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
o My wife is a sex object. Everytime I ask for sex,she objects.
o Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".
o If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong.
o Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her.
o Good girls go to heaven...but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!!.
o Sex is an emotion in motion.
o There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - don't and stop, unless they are used together.
o Anatomy is something everybody's got, but sure looks better on a woman.
o The difference between a husband and a lover is the difference between day and night.
o If he won't wear a condom, staple his willy at the end. That'll make him think. Sorta....
o I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ... I'd have had nothing to play with.
o Love without sex is like cooking without eating, but be careful because sex without condom is like driving a car without breaks!.
o I love you in blue. I love you in red but most of all. I love you in bed.
o The most enjoyable form of sex education is the braille method.
1 If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
2 Psychiatrists say that 1 in 4 people is mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, it's you.
3 Nothing in the universe travels faster than a bounced cheque.
4 It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
5 The trouble with doing something right first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
6 The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
7 Vital papers demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
8 Poker rules supplement: a .44 Magnum beats 4 aces.
9 I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
10 Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
11 Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
12 Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
13 You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
14 I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
15 Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
16 Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
17 Diplomacy is saying "Nice doggy" until you find a rock.
18 A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
19 Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
20 On the other hand, you have different fingers.
21 Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.
QUESTIONS
1. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
2. If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
3. How did a fool and his money get together?
4. How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
5. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
6. What's another word for thesaurus?
7. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
8. What do they use to ship styrofoam?
9. Why is abbreviation such a long word?
10. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
11. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
12. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
13. When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
14. Does fuzzy logic tickle?
15. Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
16. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
17. "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."
18. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
19. Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
20. What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
21. Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
22. Is it possible to be totally partial?
23. What's another word for thesaurus?
24. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
25. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
26. Why do steam irons have a permanent press setting?
27. Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
28. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
29. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
30. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
31. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
32. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
33. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
34. Is there another word for synonym?
35. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
36. Why is the word abbreviation so long?
37. When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
38. If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
39. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?
Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
ADULT QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS:
Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.
Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
A: Beat it - we're closed.
Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Q: What's another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-dough.
Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can sleep with a light on.
Q: Why is sex like a bridge game?
A: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.
Q: What's the height of conceit?
A: Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q: What's the definition of macho?
A: Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
A: Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
Sex is like your salary..
You don't disclose what you get but you always think that others get more than you...!!!
One guy to another, "Last week I took the first step towards getting divorced."
"Did you see a lawyer?" "No, I got married."
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10