So everybody on the block thinks you're just the sweetest thing since cheesecake was invented... Girl's consider you 'like a big brother' or the guys think 'I bet she's a bore in the sack.'
Here's your chance to show prove it to them, once and for all! Answer each question Yes or No, thing compare your answers to the next post (NO CHEATING)
1: Ever laughed at someone else's misfortune?
2: Ever tried alcohol?
3: Ever been drunk?
4: Ever drink enough to throw up?
5: Ever wake up and not remember what you did the night before?
6: Ever been forcefully removed from a bar?
7: Do you drink regularly? (at least three times a week)
8: Ever try pot, hash or magic mushrooms?
9: Do you do drugs regularly?
10: Ever been stoned or drunk for more than 48 hours?
11: Ever been on a date?
12: Ever had sexual intercourse?
13: Ever had a bath or shower with the opposite sex?
14: Ever paid for sex?
15: Ever taken advantage of someone while they were stoned or drunk?
16: Ever perform oral sex on someone of the opposite sex?
17: Ever engaged in anal sex?
18: Ever engaged in a '69'?
19: Ever contracted an STD?
20: Ever had sex without a contraceptive?
21: Ever had or knowingly been responsible for an abortion?
22: Ever had sex with two or more partners in a week?
23: Ever had sex with more than one person at a time?
24: Ever had sex in a public place?
25: Ever engage in sexual activity with a member of the same sex?
26: Ever used sex toys?
27: Ever been responsible for losing someone else's virginity?
28: Ever bought something in a sex shop?
29: Ever have sex with a relative?
30: Ever been arrested?
Score 1 point for each Yes response - here's how you stack up against others question by question
Your points:
0-3: A life with the church is too corrupt for you!.
4-7: You barely make our scale.
8-11: Approaching normal, but you aren't much fun on a date!
12-18: Normal... well, what exactly is normal?
19-21: You've got a few tricks under your belt
22-24: You're enjoying life to the max!
25-27: You're a danger to society.
28-30: You're going straight to hell!
"Please take the following Manliness Assessment:"
1) In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
a) lovemaking
b) screwing
c) the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town
2) You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
a) your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
b) your blood-test results
c) five tequila slammers
3) You time your orgasm so that:
a) your partner climaxes first
b) you both climax simultaneously
c) you don't miss Match of the Day
4) Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
a) healthy, creative love-play
b) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
c) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about
5) Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
a) the best part of the experience
b) the second best part of the experience
c) ?100 extra
6) Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
a) No concern of yours
b) not a problem, she can join your gym
c) a conservative estimate
7) You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
a) a myth
b) an oxymoron
c) a moron
8) Foreplay is to sex as:
a) appetizer is to entree
b) primer is to paint
c) a line is to an amusement park ride
9) Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
a) "I hope we can still be friends."
b) "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
c) "Welcome to Dumpsville; population, YOU."
10) A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
a) probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
b) is uptight and a waste of time
c) shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place
Evaluating the results:
* If you answered "a" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.
* If you answered "b" more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're a little confused.
* If you answered "c" more than 7 times, "You DA MAN!"
This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However, women will also benefit by reviewing them, so that they get to understand men and thereby enrich their own lives.
1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire earth. You decide to:
A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?
A. Innocence
B. Idealism
C. Cherry bombs.
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope (but not on the lips)!
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.
4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.
5 You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game; she's reading the papers when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together.
What do you say?
A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third and seventeen.
6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?
7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:
A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "We have three of them?"
8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody, and we are not naming names, (but this would be his wife) is quietly trying to discard his underwear.
9. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Remote control.
10. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?
A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.
(I can "C" clearly now)
Quick Check for Alzheimer's
The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University . Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.
If you can pass this test, you can safely turn on your
ignition key again and cancel your annual eye examination...
Can you find the 'C' ??? (Good exercise for the eyes!)
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Once you've found the C..........
Find the 6!
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999699999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
Once you've found the 6...
Find the N! (it's hard!!)
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMNMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
This is bad!!! (It takes a little time - it is not a photo)
This should keep your "friends" busy for awhile, have them count the black dots:
See how well you can do this test (provided you are not color blind - like me)