Erotic Adult Vacation

Imagine if all the major brands started selling their own condoms and kept their original tag-lines....

Sainsbury condoms - making life taste better

Tesco Condoms - every little helps

Nike Condoms - Just do it

Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life

KFC Condoms - Finger Licking good

Minstrels Condoms - melt in your mouth, not in your hand

Abbey National Condoms - because life is complicated enough

Coca Cola Condoms - The real thing

Pringles Condoms - once you pop, you can't stop

Burger King Condoms - Home of the Whopper

Goodyear Condoms - For a longer ride, go wide

Muller light condoms - So much pleasure, but where's the pain?

Flash Condoms - Just sit back, relax and let flash do all the hard work

Halford Condoms - We go the extra mile

Royal Mail Condoms - I saw this and thought of you

Andrex Condoms - Soft, strong and very very long

Domestos Condoms - Gets right in the rim

Heineken Condoms - Reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach

Carlsberg Condoms - Probably the best condom in the world

Pepperami Condoms - It's a bit of an animal

Polo Condoms - The condom with the hole!! (VERY poor seller !!)

McDonalds Condoms - I'm Lovin' it!

American Express Condoms - Don't Leave Home Without it or That'll Do Nicely!

Microsoft Condoms - Where Do You Want To Go Today?

Radio Times Condoms - If it's on it's in

Pedigree Chum dog food condoms - Top breeders recommend it!

Daily Express condoms - Express Delivery

Martini Condoms - Anytime, Anyplace, Anywhere

Churchill Condoms - OH,YES

Kellogg's Fruit and Fibre Condoms - They're tasty, tasty, very, very tasty

Veet Condoms - Take the bull by the horns

XXXX Condoms - Australians wouldn't give a XXXX with anything else

TV Times Condoms - I never knew there was so much in it

Boddington's Condoms - The cream of Manchester

Cadburys Condoms - a Glass and Half in every one

Mars Condoms - Help You Work, Rest & Play

Special K Condoms - If You Can Pinch More Than An Inch

Bisto Condoms - Ahhhhhhhhh...!

Fruit Pastilles Condoms - Bet you can't put one in your mouth without chewing it

DFS Condoms - Open every bank holiday

Kwik Fit condoms - you can't get quicker than a Kwik Fit fitter!

Nintendo DS condoms - touching is good

Maxwell House condoms - good to the last drop

Rice Crispies Condoms - Snap, Crackle, Pop

EA Sports Condoms - It's in the game

Ebay Condoms - Buy it. Sell it. Love it.

Capital One Comdoms - What's In Your Wallet?

Morgan Stanley Condoms - One Client At A Time

Heinz Condoms - 57 Varieties

Creme Egg Condoms - How do you eat yours?

Nokia Condoms - Connecting People

Frosties Condoms - They're Grrrrreat!!

RAF Condoms - Rise above the rest

HM Revenue & Customs Condoms - It doesn't have to be taxing

Windows Vista Condoms - The Wow Starts Now

Mac Mini Condoms - Small is Beautiful

Philadelphia Condoms - A little taste of heaven

FedEx Condoms - When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight

Burger King Condoms - Have It Your Way

Yellow Pages Condoms = Let your fingers do the walking

T-Mobile Condoms - Simply Closer

Ikea Condoms - Screw yourself!

Did you know that this week is *National Condom Week*? Here's a *salute* to the *new* condoms on the market!

Lumberjack Condoms --For the woody that won't be cut down. [/*]
Sprout Condoms --Add a little moisture, and watch it grow! [/*]
Helium Condoms -- For those flaccid moments when you just need a lift... [/*]
KFC Condoms -- When you just need to *wing* it. [/*]
ASPCA condoms -- For that lil' pup in you! [/*]
Howdy Doody Condoms -- When you know "what time it is!!" [/*]
Lassie Condoms -- When you know she's a bitch, but you're gonna do her anyway! [/*]
George W. Bush Condoms -- When "Junior" wants to take over! [/*]
Yawn Condoms -- When you're bored stiff. [/*]
Memory Condoms -- When it's on the tip of your tongue. [/*]
Chatterbox Condoms -- When you need to talk it up. [/*]
Cheerleader Condoms -- When you want it *Rah*! [/*]
Scorpion Condoms -- When you wanna sting 'er! [/*]
Jock Condoms -- When it's a team effort! [/*]
Prone Condoms -- When you flat-out want it. [/*]
Pitching Wedge Condom -- For those special moments in the rough! [/*]
Electrical Condom -- Cures the shorts in your pants! [/*]
Plumbing Condom -- When you know you're gonna clean those pipes! [/*]

ASTROLOGY CONDOMS

SCORPIO: Scorpio condoms outsell all others. That's probably because people try to impress each other with their sexual prowess by pretending that they're a Scorpio. The truth is that no right thinking Scorpio would get caught dead wearing a condom. But then death doesn't scare a Scorpio. And a Scorpio doesn't get caught. Scorpio condoms come in two editions, basic black and the stealthy invisible model. Both leather and studs are optional. Also, because propriety concerns Scorpio, each package of Scorpio condoms comes with a pre-printed, pre-coital agreement. Symbolized by the venomous Scorpion, when you really want to sting your lover, you want a Scorpio condom.

SAGITTARIUS: Sanitarians are known for their worldly pursuits, gamesmanship, cosmopolitan attitude and knack for doing things in a big way. Sanitarian condoms are the sportier models. They come equipped with travel cases. Sanitarian condoms are the ones that go with you and grow with you. They promise a lot and they are extra thick to protect against fluids of a dubious nature. The archer symbolizes Sagittarius. When you want to be on target with Cupid's arrows, you want a Sagittarius condom.

CAPRICORN: Capricorns are known for their longevity, wisdom, practicality, ambition and earthy sensuality. Capricorns tend to be on the conservative side. Capricorn condoms are the most durable, having the longest shelf life. Capricorn condoms are extra strong to last extra long. With Capricorn condoms, wing tips, pin stripes and brief cases are optional. Be sure to shake them out from time to time, otherwise they go stale. Capricorn is the sign of the mountain goat. When you're horny enough to climb the mountains of love, you want a Capricorn condom.

AQUARIUS: Aquarians are gregarious, yet aloof. Aquarius is a high energy sign, and one that is usually politically correct. Aquarian condoms are just a little bit kinky. They come colored hot pink and electric blue, and they come with a battery pack to light up in the dark and French ticklers for extra stimulation. With Aquarius condoms, the packaging features political slogans such as the MiXXe Maxim, "Things can change overnight; it depends upon how late you stay up and with whom doing what." Since Aquarius is a social sign, Aquarian condoms come in multi-packs and are detachable to share with your friends. Aquarius is the sign of the water bearer. When your love juices really get to flowing, you want an Aquarius condom.

PISCES: Pisces is known for their deep feelings that somewhat border on mysticism. Pisces are idealistic, sometimes to the point of ecstatic bliss. Pisces condoms are truly extra sensitive and translucent. Little spikes are optional on the inside. Pisces condoms contain special instructions for erotic fantasy games. Pisces is the sign of the fishes. When it smells like love and you're on a seafood *****, you want a Pisces condom.

ARIES: Aries is the first sign of the zodiac. Aries are action oriented people. Aries is symbolized by the ram, so naturally Aries condoms are made from the finest lambskin. Because Aries often exhibits a "get up and go" attitude, Aries condoms are steel belted, feature racing stripes, and every fully equipped sports car dispenses them. Onyx packaging is optional for the black sheep. Aries prides themselves on being first and best. Aries condoms are perfect for quickies. When you want what you want when you want it, you want an Aries condom.

TAURUS: Taurus is perhaps the most sensual and economy minded of the astrological signs. Taurus condoms are made from the most luxurious materials with special models available in silk and velvet. Taurus condoms give you quality at an affordable price, and they're frequently on sale. Taurians may be slow to make their minds, but once they've made a decision, they're almost impossible to stop. When your love is a sure thing, you want a Taurus condom. The bull symbolizes Taurus. Taurus condoms are the ones you want when you're really horny.

GEMINI: Gemini's are known for their versatility, intellect and communications skills. Accordingly, Gemini condoms accommodate a variety sexual positions and combinations. Gemini condoms are sold in multi-packs and come with a special audio chip. Naturally, they're available through mail order. Frequently, Gemini condoms sell two for the price of one. They always come in special pop up dispensers so that you don't have to work too hard. Gemini is the sign of the twins and Gemini condoms come in twin packs and are the preferred model for double headers. When you need to do it more than once, you need Gemini condoms.

CANCER: Cancer is a water sign and as such is very much interested in safety and tradition. Therefore, Cancer condoms are waterproof and heat treated for hot tubs and natural springs. Cancer condoms make you feel secure. Cancer is also the sign of motherhood. With Cancer condoms, if you decide to become a parent, you can always return the unused portion for a partial refund. Cancer condoms are clingy. Never has history known a time when Cancer condoms were not available. Fine antique specimens grace many collections. Astrologically speaking, Cancer is associated with the breasts. The makers of Cancer condoms are happy to sponsor the annual spring "Breast Worship Rituals." Cancer condoms are freely dispensed to beautiful, large breasted women. Cancer is symbolized by the crab. When you're not getting enough love and are starting to feel crabby, reach for a Cancer condom.

LEO: Leos are known for their passion, pride, and (pro)creative urges. Leos tend to be a bit flashy, showy and original in and out of bed. Leo condoms come in gold foil packaging with custom monogramming. Leo condoms come in one size: extra, extra large. Leo is symbolized by the lion. When you're ready to meet your mate and make wild jungle noises, you're ready for a Leo condom.

VIRGO: Virgos are fussy and particular. Virgo condoms feature perfection of fit and they keep you neat and clean. Virgos tend to be environmentally sound consumer types. Naturally, Virgo condoms have the lowest failure rate, the highest performance rating and come equipped with a detailed, all purpose instruction manual. Virgo is symbolized by the virgin. When you're ready for some ritualized de-floweration activities, you're ready for a Virgo condom.

LIBRA: Libras are suave and anxious to please others. Libra condoms are the fancy European models and come in fashionable hand-painted ***** packaging. Libra condoms make for an elegant accessory on the best dates. Libra condoms are aesthetically pleasing to both partners. They are reversible and can turn into a diaphragm thus sharing the responsibilities. Libra is symbolized by the scales. When sex weighs heavily on your mind, you want a Libra condom.

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