Old lady, fit girl, scum[/b] fan and a Leeds fan on a train. All the seats are full so the four are forced to stand up near each other. The train goes into a tunnel and the carriage turns pitch black. Just as the train is about to come through the other side of the tunnel a huge slapping sound is heard which startles everyone. As the light returns to the carriage everyone notices that the scum[/b] fan has a red hand mark around the side of his face.
The old lady thinks I bet the scum[/b] fan felt up the fit girl and she slapped him.
The fit girl thinks I bet the scum[/b] fan felt up the old lady thinking it was me and she slapped him.
The scum[/b] fan thinks I bet the Leeds fan felt up the fit girl, she thought it was me and she slapped me.
The Leeds fan thinks when we go through another tunnel I'm gonna slap that scum[/b] bastard again
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How do you kill a Man Utd fan when he's having a drink.......Slam the toilet lid on his head.
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![[Image: redsknowbest.jpg]](http://www.jokefile.co.uk/sport/redsknowbest.jpg)
Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Man Utd striker Diego Forlan?
A: Clinton can score.
Note: I know he no longer plays for Man Utd, but it is a Man Utd joke
Q: Name three football clubs that contain swear words?
A: A: Arsenal, Scunthorpe and F*****g Man Utd.
Q: How many Manchester City soccer fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
A Bloke walks into a bric-a-brac shop and sees an ornamental brass rat, the sort of thing women of a certain age love to put on the mantlepiece. He thinks "that'll be perfect for his Mother's birthday", so he asks the shopkeeper how much it is.
"?25 for the rat, ?100 for the story", replies the man.
"Forget the story" says the bloke, and so buys the rat for 25 quid. He walks off down the road, but has not gone 30 yards when a rat comes up from the gutter and starts to follow him. Soon more arrive, and in a few minutes the whole street is a sea of rats, all following the bloke, who keeps walking until he comes to a cliff. He throws the brass rat over, and millions of rats follow, one after each other, plunging to certain death. The bloke them runs back to shop.....
"Aaaah", says the shop keeper, "you'll be back for the story"
"Screw the story - do you have a brass man utd fan?"
Top tip for Manchester United fans: don't waste money on expensive new kit every season. Simply strap a large inflateable penis to your forehead, and everyone will immediately know which team you support. :laugh:
A guy goes to the doctors and says to the doc there sumething wrong with my arse.
The Doc asks 'what's it doing?'
So the guy says my arse keeps singing glory glory man utd,
The Doc says dont worry its normal all arse holes sing that.
A few anagrams or close enough from manchester united.
Red men? I hate c**ts!
The nice name's "Turd"
Munich ate ten reds
n I hate 'em red c**ts
Shite name, red c**t
There must be more out there. :the_finger: